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Wait just a second, so I can cash someone else’s check without and ID?  Well, not at these rates, I’m no chump!

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We’re not in Kansas anymore.

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This feels like a trick?  Due to recent economic setbacks, government funding for all emergency services has been cutback tremendously.  The police have now decided to catch impaired drivers via “the honor system”.  On a side note, thank you Johnny Law for gently quoting “911″ just in case our inebriated law breaker has forgotten the number.  Kudos law enforcement!

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I was visiting a buddy in the valley the other night and we really had nothing to do.  So, we decided to drain a bottle of Captain Morgan and head to a strip club that offered “free cover” (not really free because it cost me my innocence, and 10 dollars).  Once at the club, it was indeed a trick.  The club had 2 entrances, 1 to the full nude for $10, the other to the bikini bar for free (if I had a nickel for every time I was tricked by promises of free nudity…).  After grabbing a beer at the bikini bar, we were loose enough to drop the coin for entry into the full nude.

Once inside, my buddy grabs us 2 seats at the bar.  Generally, if you sit right at the bar, it’s customary to tip, luckily we don’t give a fuck.  After a barrage of mediocore women, finally the gem of the club steps onto the stage.  I gaze into her homely mug, then my eyes meander down to her sagging breasts, next I stare intently at her pregnant belly, and finally my eyes wonder south to her beat up… wait a second, back up.  Pregnant belly?  Oh yes.  I look around at the rest of the crowd, comprised mainly of lumberjacks and migrant workers, yet it appears that only my buddy and I are taken back by this sight.  She comes over to us and shows us her birth canal.  I start crying and give her 2 dollars to go away.  Later, during the 2 for 1 lap dance special (yeah, this place was classy), and insider (bobble-head blond) who was grinding my pal alerts him that the dancer in question was indeed 7 months pregnant.

On the way out, I reflect on this revelation.  Much like bigfoot or the enchanted unicorn, the pregnant stripper is a creature always spoken of yet never seen.  Well my friends, thanks to technology and lackluster security, we now have proof that she does in fact exist.  Godspeed.

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(These pictures are good, but they don’t come close to doing justice to show how pregnant this stripper actually was)

From world's greatest dad to window washer? Talk about a step down.

To think I spent all 4th of July weekend searching for this man, and he was washing windows in Venice the entire time!  (Click picture 2x to enlarge)

What ever happened to I HEART MOM?

Just in case you were wondering what this man’s skeletal structure looked like, he decided to help you take out the guess work.

The most necessary warning I've ever seen.

Similar to the real thing, if you drink about 15 of these, your heart will explode.  (Click picture 2x to read warning)