Who says customer service no longer exists?  Bank of America kicks ass and takes names…

Chat InformationWelcome to an online chat session at Bank of America. Please hold while we connect you to the next available Bank of America Online Banking Specialist. Your chat may be monitored and recorded for quality purposes. Your current wait time is approximately 0 minutes. Thank you for your patience.

Chat InformationThank you for choosing Bank of America. You are now being connected to a Bank of America Online Banking Specialist.

Amber: Hello. Thank you for being a valued Bank of America customer. I’ll be happy to assist you with your personal checking and savings accounts.
Amber: My name is Amber.  How are you doing today?
You: great, i need my routing number
Amber: I understand your concern regarding  the routing number, I will be delighted to assist you today.
Amber: May I please have your full name and the last four digits of the Checking account in question?
You: awesome, the faster you work, the more likely ill live.
Amber: Sure.
Amber: May I please have your full name and the last four digits of the Checking account in question?
You: [Fuck Internet Creeps]
You: [XXXX]
Amber: Thank you very much, [Me].
You: wow, i had to kick his ass for that one
Amber: The routing numbers will depend upon the state where your account was opened. I see that your accounts are opened in  Florida.
You: yeah, sure.
Amber: The routing numbers for your account are:
Amber: Paper Item – [XXXXXXXXX]
Amber: Automatic Payment/Deposit (ACH) – [XXXXXXXXXX]
Amber: Wire transfer routing number is XXXXXXXXX
Amber: Use the routing number accordingly depending up on the type of need.
You: well it’s only gonna be one transfer…
You: that hooker in singapore costs you a lifetime
Amber: So is it a  wire transfer?
You: lol, no. Fortunately I dont have to go back to that dump. I just owe my bookies for the loan, luckily they are domestic.
Amber: Okay, great. If it is an online transfer and not wire please use, XXXXXXXXX.
Amber: Do you have any other queries regarding your personal checking and savings accounts?
Amber: I would be more than happy to help you.
You: unless you have a solid opium connection, I think we’re square.
Amber:
Amber: [Me], it was really very nice chatting with you.
Amber: Thank you for choosing Bank of America’s Text Chat Service! Have a fabulous day!
Amber: Lastly, I have one more information to share with you today.
Amber: If you click the “Close” button next to the Print option, we  could safeguard this chat session and also your account information.
You: See no evil, hear no evil eh? Sorry, for coroner purposes I’m probably going to document this.
Amber: Sure.
Amber: Bye, and take care!
You: You’re great! See you in Hell.
Amber: Bye.
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Ok, so Amber left me a bit unsatisfied…

Chat InformationWelcome to an online chat session at Bank of America. Please hold while we connect you to the next available Bank of America Online Banking Specialist. Your chat may be monitored and recorded for quality purposes. Your current wait time is approximately 0 minutes. Thank you for your patience.
Chat InformationThank you for choosing Bank of America. You are now being connected to a Bank of America Online Banking Specialist.

Rom: Good Morning!! How are you doing today?
Rom: Thank you for being a valued Bank of America customer. My name is Rom. How can I assist you with your personal checking and savings accounts today?
You: hey Rom, I just had a hilarious conversation with Amber, but my computer froze and it was deleted.
You: can you restore this for me.
Rom: I do apologize. We are unable to restore the previous chat transcript for you. I can assist you with your Online Banking needs.
You: well Rom that seems very unlikely since all conversations are stored as to verify customer satisfaction?
Rom: We can review the previous chat transcripts of the same customer. However, I am unable to review the conversation which you had earlier.
You: well can you locate amber and ask her what the dealio is?
You: I understand that your company is big, so theres probably at least 3 consultants, so find her and tap her on the shoulder, please.
Rom: I do apologize. However, I am unable to contact the other associates as there are several associates.
Rom: Do you have any other questions with regards to your account?
You: Yes, just 1, do you know Amber?
Rom: No.
You: Why are you protecting her? Are you guys an item?
Rom: I am not trying to protect any one. I just don’t know any associate by name Amber. I am a live person.
Rom: Do you have any other questions with regards to your account  that I can assist you today?
You: Rom, this aint my first rodeo… I’d appreciate it if you didn’t play me for a fool…
Rom: I am sorry you feel such way.
Rom: May I please have your full name as it appears on your accounts?
You: Absolutely, [Me].
Rom: Thank you for providing the information, [Me].
Rom: Is there anything else that I can assist you today?
You: Are you looking for that conversation between Amber and I which I previously spoke of? Because that would be appreciated.
Rom: [Me], it seems to have some technical glitch due to which I am unable to review the conversation between you and Amber.
Rom: I do apologize for the inconvenience.
You: Wow, very convenient?
You: seriously, I’m not asking for much sir.
You: and I do appreciate your time.
Rom: I do understand that you wish to review the conversation [Me].
Rom: Do you have any other questions with regards to your account?
You: Well the reason I wanted to review the conversation is because she provided me with my routing number.
You: I thought thatd be easier than asking for it again, but apparently not?
Rom: [Me], I can provide the routing number for your accounts in a moment/
Rom: May I know why you need the routing number?
You: why didn’t you say that? we could have avoided all the hassle?
Rom: [Me], you did not provide me your concerns inspite of being asked for 3 times.
Rom: May I know why you need the routing number?
You: I only feel comfortable revealing that information to Amber.
You: not to be a jerk, but its rather incriminating.
Rom: [Me], as I am unable to connect you to Amber, I can provide you the link to find the routing number online.
Rom: Would you like me to do that for you?
You: yeah thatd be great, but cant you just type it in this window? amber used to…
Rom: Let me explain this to you.
You: I’m all ears.
Rom: When you will get disconnected from an associate and re-initiated the chat, a new window will pop up and the person to which you are chatting cannot use the chat window which the earlier associate used.
Rom: As you wish to have the routing numbers for your account,
You: Im listening…
Rom: Please click here
Rom: Is there anything else that I can assist you today?
You: Wow, I just clicked it.
You: Rom, you’re no spring chicken eh?
Rom: [Me], do you have any other questions with regards to your account?
You: Just one, how do I contact you instead of amber? Shes old news.
Rom: Regrettably, when you initiate a chat we are unable to transfer you to a desired associate. Every time you initiate a chat a new associate will be assisting you.
Rom: We have many associates which assist you with your online needs.
You: But Rom, I don’t like most people. You and I, we have something.
Rom: I do apologize. But that cannot happen.
Rom: Do you have any other questions with regards to your account?
You: Unfortunately I do not, but how can we take our relationship to the next level?
Rom: [Me], this chat channel is purely for professional use and Bank of America does not allow such type of conversations through this channel.
Rom: To safeguard your account information, I suggest you to close this chat session  by clicking the close button in the top right corner.
You: Oh Rom you’re silly, I didn’t mean in a weird sexual way, but I’d like you to be my goto person when it comes to banking.
Rom: Please do not worry [Me], we have plenty of associates who can assist you better than me with your online needs.
Rom: Thank you for choosing Bank of America’s Text Chat Service!
Rom: To safeguard your account information, I suggest you to close this chat session by clicking the close button in the top right corner.
You: Is this goodbye my friend?
Rom: Regrettably. Yes.
You: I feel your pain. Online banking will never be the same.
You: now what?
You: Rom, please don’t leave me high and dry.
You: Ok Ok, I have another banking question.
You: Rom, please talk me off the ledge…
Rom: I will be able to assist you only with your banking needs.
You: Oh thank God! I thought this was over.
You: Rom, I gotta be honest, I had a bad run at the tracks today.
You: It’s got me questioning a lot of stuff.
Rom: I do understand [Me].
You: My friends call me [Not Important].
Rom: Could you please provide me your concerns regarding the online banking needs.
You: Yes, if i take another bad hit, my account will be in the red, then what do I do Rom?
Rom: I do understand your concerns regarding the checking account, [Me].
Rom: After reviewing your account information, I see that your account is in good status as of now and is not overdrawn.

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You: As of now, but have you heard of relapse?
Rom: I see that your account is enrolled for Overdraft Protection using your credit card account ending in – 4476 as funding account.
Rom: Each time an Overdraft Protection is needed, increments of $100.00 will be transferred from the account designated for Overdraft Protection, also known as the funding account.
Rom: If $100.00 is not available in the account designated, we may transfer the amount immediately available.
Rom: If there are not enough available funds in your funding account to cover any of your overdraft transactions, no funds will be transferred and an overdraft fee for each item will apply.
Rom: To ensure the Overdraft Protection service works properly you must have available funds in your Overdraft Protection account.
Rom: When funds are not available to pay an item being presented to the checking account, funds will be transferred from the Overdraft Protection account.
You: Rom I appreciate your sincerity, but have you ever watched a race knowing that your life depends on it? I mean, No milk for the kids, no hanky panky for the wife, no nothing if you lose?
You: the rush is too great. how can the bank quench this thirst?
Rom: I do understand that you are referring to the fees.
You: the fees? that’s the cheap part!
Rom: If any fee is charged to the account, we will be able to review the fees and can assist you accordingly.
Rom: Do you have any other questions with regards to your account that I can assist you with today, [Me]?
You: How can you assist me if I’m thumbless? I’ll be unable to type Rom.
You: Rom, shoot me straight here, she’s taking half my money and my only child. If not the tracks, my only other option is a rope and a wobbly stool.
Rom: From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry to hear that from you [Me].
Rom: However, as Bank of America Live Chat Customer service is a professional chat, we do not entertain the personal chatting through this channel.
Rom: Do you have any other questions with regards to your account?
You: Rom, I understand your position and I don’t want to put any extra weight on your shoulders. But we are now friends, so sometimes your position in life changes.
Rom: Thank you for the wish [Me].
Rom: To safeguard your account information, I suggest you to close this chat session by clicking the close button in the top right corner.
You: I know where the button is Rom. But if I click it, it closes a chapter of my life as well as the only outlet to sanity. So what do you think Rom, should i really press that button?
Rom: Thank you for your patience, I will be right with you.
You: No no Rom, thank you for your patience Rom, I know I can be a loose cannon at times.
Rom: [Me], I am here to assist you only with the banking needs. I am not supposed to chat about the personal issues.
Rom: If you have any further concerns, please feel free to contact us immediately.
You: i know you arent “suppose” to, but please break the mold!
You: Rom ill be honest, I don’t think Im gonna jump anytime soon, but it’d be nice to talk to someone.
Rom: [Me], I request you to please close the chat window by clicking on the close button on the top of this chat window. If not, I will be forced to end the chat conversation.
You: Ok Rom, just because I like you.
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